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How Does Impact Me as a Deaf Person Mentally and Emotionally?

I was born to hearing person but I was being a Deaf person when I was five years after birth. The one thing was usually what was supposed to do it for my recovery that checked out to the hospital. Then, my parents who are hearing people but they don't know about Deaf as well. In the facts that saying almost 90% of Deaf people are from hearing family (source: Surya Sahetapy's speech over Zoom). And the 90% of one my parents included. So, you absolutely know how I felt and fought as a Deaf person growing up without sign language and Deaf culture. I got realized that what is kind of an identity as a Deaf person since I was about to high school in 2016, which the best friend invited to meet with Deaf employees who worked for my first interpreter, Bias. They changed me as well and how worth it in my life as a Deaf person. 

How did long needed to be found self-identity as a Deaf person? I think that was years and times that I didn't know how much I had. I had many problems and so often argued with my parents. Miscommunication is the thing that would be happen as always. I think is kind of "daily food" for Deaf people over the world. I got it in 2016, then I started to fighting the Deaf rights in Indonesia. You know that I was too smart at being an activist, but I wasn't all it yet. I just learn more to be better. I reminded that I wanted to suicide, because of high frustration in my life that anybody never understand me, what I spoke and what I wanted. And, even, Deaf friends who were being a friend with me as leaving me as fast as long I didn't know exactly. So, I was alone and left my last note, I jumped out and tried to jump for a second. However, He sent someone pulled me. Well, I stop to continue how I felt. No more, I just don't want to. Just skip.

I have my friend who is an American, she is Deaf tho, like me. She is from South Carolina (I hope I will meet with her soon, as I afford as I fight, hopeful). She told me that she had a problem with her parents also are hearing people, and her job at cafe, where she always get miscommunication with hearing employees. I feel what she felt. But, I think she's lucky because she is an American, where the United States is one the Deaf-exampled country in the world (Indonesia included, because the government adopted ASL (American Sign Language) then modified being a sign-system, like PSE or SSE but unrecognized by the Deaf community in Indonesia and also the United States). America has a Deaf university (Gallaudet University, Washington, DC) and a Deaf town (Rochester, New York). But, she doesn't live in two towns, but she wants to move to DC or Rochester. I fully support of her dream. She changed my life. And, also, my best friend who is an Indonesian. I just had to be grateful.  Thank you, my best friends!

Back to self-identity, I would always think what should I do to survive. I rely on Him. That is only I had. I don't know what happens to me, I just want to survive and change my life as well. I found myself as being a Deaf person. I'm proud of that what I made of. It depends on how am I feeling. I'm going to be fine. I will alive until my dream comes true.

I just have no idea to write out on this caption, I just write when I have free time after I finished my homework. Anyways, stay safe everyone! Thank you!

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