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The 31th Letter: How to Being Who Am I and Just Too Afraid to Being Who Really Am I


I was born to being a man, I really don't think I will being who am I here. I proudly to be a Deaf person actually, but as gender, I don't think what that is. Overwhelming that I felt to being a Deaf person, but either to being a man, is really tough to identity who am I. I identify just being human. I think that really makes sense to me. I personally would be comfortable to being human without gender.

I know the Lord creates men and women or other genders that I found and seen, but I know He will knows who really am I and what am like being I. That is tough, but it is in still progressing. I know that is destiny, but I don't feel what these kind of. I don't proud to be a man when I see many men's are sexual crimes suspect and I have found that very little research identifies men as victims of sexual crimes. That's happening in my country, Indonesia. I always find out those women's as victim of sexual crimes and effects an important social movement for the female rights. That's my reasons why don't I feel to being a man.

I always cried, thought lots, upset, and whatever I felt, yeah, I don't want to be who should am I and why was I born to being. I always praying and reading the holy book. I hope I will get the Lord's answer. I don't have my rational reasons to being who am I and who people being are. I just too afraid to being man and how to being who really am I. To be honest, I am too afraid of it. I just want to being human without gender. It doesn't mean I am transgender but just being human. I don't want to called as a man. 

I'm sorry that happened, I'm wrong, I don't deserve to being a man, it certainly painful and it feels doesn't believe that would happened. I think I feel deserve to be punishment and enter to the jail. I hate everything that I thought ever night. I really don't want to do like this. I just want to be an equal human and will do everything that could I do and should I did. But, yeah, it depends on my mind and my feeling, I don't know that will change to me at all. All of it, just creates who am I and what is kind of my identity that should I found. 

That are too many stereotypes and stigmas about the men, I know that all. I believe that you will know what these are. The social community creates what are kind of being men and women. I don't care the biology and the male body, but more than just and that isn't like what is kind of you thought. That isn't simple as you think.  It isn't easy.

I just hope these everything well goes on and the kind sends to me. And, I hope the Lord has the goal for me, He will knows me. I believe that is. I hope so.

Thanks, everyone. 

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